6/1/2025
Mr. play it safe has always been inspired by those who go boldly. I have been in many wars but the number depends on how you define them. I have always been safe and everything easy. The bombs never exploded so close. Those hearts hold tighter. I have been down many roads still looking for an end. As there is none I continue a path I have followed to exhaustion. This here is a beginning however, mostly because I have done more than enough. 10,000 trips of a lifetime these roads long. I have put my life in my own children's hands now that is a trip. So if you are so inclined come along.
6/11/2025 Electric Scooters
So just outside my town people still speak Dutch. One camper asked his mom why they had a bowl cut. That haircut has another name: the Dutch boy. Not every scooter is electric but none of them look like they belong here. Ohio is a strange place. In places they will forget about you even if you drain resources. There are certain perfect things in the world. More than you would expect.
6/13/2025 Along the Mohican
Just across the Greenville line if you 18, 44, 23, 41, 27, 34, 31 or 32 the number one cause of death is overdose around here. The numbers are much better this year cause there are simple things we can do to save people. Sleeping 12 feet from the river the raccoons seem possessed by the spirits of those dispossessed so long ago. I can respect bandits, but these were terrorists along the Mohican. They see the people here as weak. They are not wrong, but some homo sapiens are more dangerous than others. The culture is fractured.
6/14/2025
People used to come to the Mohican to rest, but there was a time when people didn't go visit nature rather they showed out in nature. A time when every creature in every kingdom was sister and brother. Most hid. We used to hide today we seem lost in a daze mostly drunk traveling the Mohican like a moving sidewalk. Imagine those days. When you are connected you have everything. There is a reason the tree doesn't walk.
6/15/2025 The World is Not for Us
I have never done anything better than fathering. I have done it twice as long as I have done anything else. Nothing else interrupts my sleep. I have no real concern for the world. You can find somewhere for the night it seems everywhere now. Where are we to be. There is too many people and there aren't enough. What is objective? Interrupted sleep.
6/16/2025 Enjoy Your Buoyancy
The Place isn't as important it is the people who gather there. Left Mohican past the Shawnee Ohio state park. Arrived National Forest - The Garden of the Gods recreational area. Site 7. Swimming isn't hard. It is is dangerous, but it is simply understanding you are in a different world. Another atmosphere. I was a water baby. My first experience with the big water I took on my own. It was the 70s so my parents left me on the sand in the shade and went and did 70s things. Lucky back then you seldom did thing alone. One day I got over my fear of the sand. A youngster from the church spotted me out in the deep water. It is truly something to know someone who saved your life and have no memory of it. I was a water baby.
6/17/2025 Playground of the Gods Recreational Area
In these puddles these stones remember the Oceans they used to be. Erosion is very interesting, but what is more amazing is what this place has been. The Shawnee enough to quicken your spirit, but it is more of time here billions of years.
Layer by layer
in Pools like these
Life certainly began
6/18/2025 The Rains and Plains
So I just kept driving waiting for a good forecast. Such are the concerns of my life currently. Ended up a bit off my track. Junction city is a army base city with a surprisingly few number of pawn shops. They brought the buffalo soldiers here. Built the last segregated housing the army ever built here. Two days in the sun. The plains are scary. These storms come right at you. Coming out of Kansas City the skies opened up as they tend to do. The local news described it as wet pavement. I was thinking the end of the world. They all driving like this is normal.
6/19/2025 Juneteenth
How do you celebrate Juneteenth? Anyway you can. So traveling to the weather rport I find myself within 10 miles of a Buffalo soldier memorial. Camped almost to Abilene I was gonna back track for the first time. No plans sometime make their own. Behind this monument with these amazing shoes. Is this community of red brick buildings. The last example in the world. Purpose built for segregated officers. These would be the last official segregated buildings. There are about thirty or so remaining. All each now a bit different. Seems they are all individually owned and modified. 19th avenue and Buffalo Soldier way. I wonder how many of the people there know where they are living. You would really have to try not to. But I was the only celebrant today.
If you know your history
Then you would know where you coming from
Then you wouldn't have to ask me
Who the heck do I think I am
6/20/2025 We Are Not in Kansas Anymore
When you are looking for better weather it is a relative assessment you are doing. Getting out of the clouds and rain I didn't know I had hit a heat dome they call them now. When you write you some times date yourself. Sometimes that is ok. We are in the age of new weather terms. The science remarkably easy. The world's only super power doesn't believe it. Climate doesn't care.
Heading to Amarillo tomorrow where the forecast calls for a reasonable 82. In Columbus Ohio they are expecting 105. Have some business in town tomorrow. Leaving this heat bubble behind. I think we should call them heat bubbles. Cold bubbles so much nicer than polar vortex. We didn't have those when I was a kid. We had winter. Like all our other bubbles: tech, housing crypto and don't be surprised Ai.
Went to the wrong hotel. There are 3 with similar names here in Tulsa. I was very happy to find I was in the wrong place. This has happened to me before. Once with my sister in Florida. A familiar feeling is welcome. This woman at the desk with these impossible eyebrows. Words aren't gonna paint that picture. And she was able to do everything. That is always nice to see. There are a few people doing all the work and she is one.
She said it was too hot. So I checked the weather and saw relatively Kansas is not always on fire. She was right. I imagine she always is. She was right about those eyebrows. I wonder what she owns. Oklahoma is greener than I thought it would be. Not as green as Kansas, I guess that is why the names are different. Cause the same wind blows.
I may have already hit my high temperature already. Brave new world with their leaders at their fiddle.
6/21/2025
The thing about Cleveland people is we represent. Down on the Greenwood the party going strong. I was not the only celebrant. I met a Rail Roader. Cleveland people are everywhere. Representing with her polish boys for sale. She had some pasta salad for me. Our People.
Driving away from Joy up and down the street the national new comes on describing the victims on 1921 just being identified. In all the joy, which I enjoyed, I just wanted to be on that street. To stand there. Juneteenth is celebrated many ways, but down on the Greenwood the celebration continues. Tulsa in the rearview mirror. Greenwood along for the ride.
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion," Albert Camus
6/22/2025
Arrived in Texas in time to check in at Palo Duro Canyon. I had found saturdays to be crowded in State Park Camps but I got a nice spot. The person I spoke to the most in Texas was from West Virginia. Conversations come up along the road.
This was the first time I camped one night. I was ready to move on in the morning. Looking at all the cactus around me just looked hot. I would be ready to go in the morning. When I set up my camp I do like to linger. One is seldom enough nights anywhere. So this was something new.
One of my companions was factored in here. Wasn't sure is it was best idea to take my cat with me so I have been watching him these days. He is a rescue I got with my son a few years ago for Christmas. He is off to college and had thoughts of bringing him, but he is still with me. He has been very consistent which took a few days to see cause I wasn't sure how he would respond.
He attracts more attention that I had anticipated along the trail. Seem to be two types of people: animal lovers and cat people. Then of course attracts the eyes of most youth, some who wonder why they hadn't brought their cat.
He adapted to the leash in his way. At times he is happy to lead you somewhere. He has gotten quite comfortable with his collar as if he has worn before. He has zero interest in going where you want. Here and there he will follow a nice path, after all he is an indoor cat. So there were some relatives of his living in that canyon, but they had adapted. We were gone in the morning before any heat had a thought.
Still not as hot as that heat bubble in Kansas which is cooking the east. We were on to New Mexico with thoughts of camping perhaps one more night. We stopped at Red Rocks State Park in New Mexico. Was a fairly empty camp ground for a Sunday, but it was early day and we were making good time even after a stop in Albuquerque which I can still not spell.
So we were heading for Arizona, straight across New Mexico. Generally as we go the borders are just not lines on paper. they look like borders when you are driving. But as unique as each state is, it did cross my mind that this was almost a South North Dakota or South Wyoming. One thing about America there is more nothing than something. Most of the continent remains untouched down to the bed rock. By any measure we disturb too much. In someways we will never complete this America. The wild knows better. Climate doesn't care.
Again Arizona looked like I had arrived somewhere else. Was heading west looking at the browns signs. I would see one approaching and think come on sell me. One did just that. The Painted Desert and The Petrified forest. One of the many place I remember hearing my grandparents had traveled. I like to walk where my Grandma walked.
They had camped everywhere so I thought I could camp there. I arrived after 5 day light savings time. Thing is Arizona doesn't follow day light savings. Still not sure how all the math works out but I had arrived on time for once this day. They said there was camping at the other end of the park. What they didn't tell me is there was no bathroom facilities and no tents allowed.
My grandparents for years had camped out of a old Volkswagen Beatle, but by the time they camped at the Petrified Forest they had their Volkswagen camper as they say self-contained. There were few people there when I arrived and could have slept but sometimes I like to follow rules.
Driving through the park the first thing I saw was the painted desert which was probably one of the easiest places to name. As long as we know about people they have been migrating through here. The mother road came right through. People are nostalgic for the old route 66 cause there is so little left. It seems funny to me. I like the big upgraded road that bypasses town. Not nostalgic to travel with more struggles. There are plenty. The old route 66 through the park only has some electric poles to show where the road is no longer. This is the nostalgia I have for the deep history.
Later I had this feeling that I had been there before. most likely from talking to my grandparents, but those poles somehow strike me as something I had seen in a documentary and now I was documenting it. It was the next stop that really touched me: Newspaper Rock. I had no idea what that could be. I did not remember those stories.
There is this rock like many around the world that I want to see. Like in the deep Colombian jungle these petroglyphs of pre-history. It seemed people would pass and leave these messages that we have not been able to receive complete. The lizard sticks out. The way the legs are drawn show you what it is. As I saw one later in the day I smiled to myself about the news.
There were these spirals and patterns. Several where reproduced on the sign to let you feel the texture of these messages. There is this braided x pattern that told these secrets of how to mend a broken heart. I could feel my heart feel better as I touched this pattern. I judge modern people by very harsh criteria. The ancients I revere them.
There was one connection with Tulsa. In the year 1921, Gertrude Bell this English woman who had explored much of Arabia was looking for fossils in the Painted desert. Her grandfather being an industrialist was the only reason she was able to do what she did.
She said that desert reveals the bones of the world. "Here, the land similarly naked - not barren, but honest. Layers of time pressed into stone, like pages of a diary left open to the sky."
But it is also true that she documented Mesopotamian ruins while local histories were lost. We decide which stories petrify and which dissolve
This amazing example and she is truly amazing. No one cared or few. No women were exploring the painted desert at the time. This generational wealth and the chance to make the world a better place is what we all lost in Tulsa.
I will mention the first building was raised in 1922 after the destruction. Stands to day to speak of resiliency even in the face of great loss.
Brings me to my other companion. My 2001 Honda Accord who has been driving better than ever. Years of this and that repair all finally coming together. I had traveled in 1991 from Cleveland to Florida. I thought I had an old car then. It was a 1971 MGB so it is actually almost five years newer. Neither a teenager. This to me shows where math finally breaks down. In the human equation. That car to me was older.
Now I am twice as old. My thought about the car was this, "what makes you sure your not the one to fail? So as each white lane marker passed I thanked God for getting me that far along and only asked to go that far again.
We made it to the end and there were the free camping spots for campers. Since time was so unusual I kept going. And for what ever reason I followed those rules.
As I reached Winslow I thought I have heard of that place. here on the road to Flagstaff is meteor crater just outside Winslow Az as I have heard so many times. A big hole that is often featured in scientific documentaries. I had done enough driving today. It was getting dark and I had not driven at night yet. I like to see where I have not been. At night I keep thinking I see so little, but it is entirely sufficient.
Arrived at the Meteor RV park with the gates locked. I know some camps don't like late check ins, but most don't lock the gate either. I was surprised but not far off the highway. I would just run into Flagstaff and get me a hotel. I do like to check in on time and let Mash think we moved into a new house. But hey he was adapting. He had not used the littler in the car but this was turning in to a long day and that changed too.
I had this thought About the Grand Canyon which I still had not looked up on the map, so I can't see that hole I will go see a much bigger hole.
Made it to Flagstaff which I didn't know was so high. I think the top of this trip at 7000 feet. There where several National Forests in the area which have good camping, but those are also usually far away from civilization. It is pretty easy to tell which part of America you are in based on the cost of lighter fluid. I have seen that little bottle over $10. It was late I wasn't going down those roads.
So I arrived route 66 in Flagstaff and that ever present row of motels. Then there was a sign for Grand Canyon. I had done some research for this trip, but I had not researched the Canyon. I had no idea how far I was from it in Flagstaff. I see I am about 90 miles away. So I am that close to the Canyon first time in my life, so we are going.
In Bosnia they had this theory that you shouldn't go places alone. Got to the Canyon after 12 am. Difference between Painted Desert and Grand Canyon is a gate. I had assumed there would be a hub of activity at the park entrance. Turned out that was the other side of the park, but I would only learn this tomorrow.
I arrived to find a self pay for $35. Sometimes I do not follow rules. I even imagined elaborate reasons I would have no receipt. Maybe arrived with someone else and they had extra pass. There should always be a story. What I would also learn tomorrow was the scale of people coming there. I arrived late, parked in one of 20 empty slots in the campground. The host just had a sign that said off duty. So I went to sleep in the car. A series of decisions led me here.
6/23/2025 Micro Climates
I wasn't ready to meet the canyon. I was up early almost alone. The scale of parking tells me not many people have such intimate time. Looking in to the canyon is not that different than looking closely at any wounds. The layers speak of the billions of years to set a stage.
The first thing that amazed me was all the micro climates. Hawks had extended their range to live in the cottonwoods who flourish in their own micro climate. We struggle so hard to create out macro climate. Most animals go the other way. They go where the micro climates are already present. We shape they world, They live in it. One makes more sense.
I can't imagine there is a better place to understand climate in the world. It is remarkable how ignorant we are. We work against our own design it seems. It has taken us far, but where are we going?
The second thing I found amazing was the Vishnu basement rocks. Named after the formation there called the temple of vishnu. Vishnu is the preserver. And the Canyon exposes the deepest wounds on the continent. There is no deeper to go. Why those rapids work so hard there.
Those rapids named after the first white settler there should be renamed. It seems like this nostalgia for something that exists. All the names lost to history. So many had lived there. The Canyon has always been alive.
The Canyon is this beast. It will kill you easy. In many ways. You don't have to respect everyone or everything, but you must respect the Canyon. This episode of star trek someone tried to explain their culture. Their language was just metaphors. Words came to me: The Beast at Tenagra. What ever that was would recognize the Canyon.
Perhaps it is Grendel's mother. There is some debate still about the exact age, but what is not in question that to get to this moment today took all the time. The Canyon has a deeper history. Before it was here it was in the making.
There was a duck rock they asked people to guess what it is. If you have been it is hard to miss. I saw three phases of a maiden. Three images on one.
People where starting to fill in. The scope is really something there in many ways. I got to the opposite side of the south rim, now there is where all the activity I had imagined. Endless camping opportunities. Cabins and hotels outside the gate. Live learn.
There is one thing I know. I will be back there. SO I left thinking of the people I would return with. The entire stay I listened to a local high school radio program done by native american youth. I should have written down the call sign, but there are few stations that scan in there. And by the way gas $4 up there. They know you coming.
Back on the road again heading for the California border. There is a very large slope off the Flagstaff height. Was heading good for Barstow. Then the worst thing that can happen in life happened: a cliche xD - I was broke down on Route 66. Couple hours and AAA had me 72 miles down the road in Kinsman Arizona.
It seems in life there is always the next hurdle and challenge. The next one I will deal with in the morning. Good news would be fuel line, maybe fuel pump. Little buddy almost made it to the California border.
6/24/2025 So Newspaper Rock
Their is this relief carving of this spiral. The ancients knew the shape of the galaxy. They also knew the way life tended to go. They also understood they way that thoughts go. There was pattern on pattern on pattern on pattern. We surf through life as modern people. Sure it seems complex but it is not. When you surf you can trim and you can cut. You can never trim trim because you will sink. We refuse to sink.
Cut cut cut cut trim cut trim cut cut trim cut trim cut cut cut cut cut. Like our modern world the surfer looks like they are doing so much. Just across the surface we learn to travel that way. This is the reason I like to work with children. There is a mark lack of agenda. I am a teacher and a bit of a preacher by trade. Things don't always go my way, but in truth I usually put obstacles in front of myself. This habit I have. It was how I responded to what I saw.
I grew up in Euclid, Ohio. My sixth grade class was integrated in 1982. I was told we were fixing the world which sounded like a great idea. A third of our class was bussed from the other side of town. On the surface our class hadn't been diverse, but trust me some of my friends houses smelled different. We were all white I guess, we just used different spices.
I made a good friend who I would love to see today. I don't remember her last name. Her first name was Lasanya. I had never heard that word and in my over compensating brain I was sure I had heard Lasagna. I called to her one time loudly and I noticed a crowd gathered around me. My friends. Same guys who would later steal my football cards. I figured out I had said heard name wrong by how happy I made them. I never remember making them that happy. Being white sucked.
So little buddy is dead. An Accord gone too soon. Died in the same town my sister spent her 50th birthday at. She had just texted me to see how I was doing . In a spiral around the center of the galaxy sewing my heart up. Mash is cold chilling second day. Scratch pad from Junction City Walmart may have been second best present I have ever given anyone.
Was planning on making a run for Olympia where both my kids currently are located, but for the bank I bank with, they randomly block all car rentals, So I will call them in morning and see if I can spend my money. This self inflicted. Nobody to blame. We surrounded by mountains and that is always nice. Bit deserty for me.
Plan A
I took a trip around a mountain today. $90 one way in a Malibu my Granny would have loved. He told me we were in the Tri-State area. We traveled about an hour around the mountain and through the golden valley. To this most singular place. The Colorado River. On one side Nevada and the other Arizona. There is one man's names everywhere in town. He started with 8 rooms along the river. Now it looked like 8000. On one side of the river you can gamble. Wave runners up and down the river, On the other side of the river he even had an Airport the call international, Adam my driver explained that is about length of runway. They had regular service before covid but now only charters.
It is rare to see the vision of one man come to fruition. It was a two way trip. To have your card not work it has to be in the machine. It didn't seem that late but it is hard to tell time in Arizona. I needed to talk to my local branch and it was late there. The East will always feel superior cause they the prime time. The defining quality of a New Yorker is that they are never wrong. Oppression is a theme in the west like the heat so oppressive.
It was more than ten degrees hotter on that side of the mountain. The river however always cold and you could gamble. The Golden Valley has some charm down then up. He was heading to see Grandkids in St louis. I made him promise those dollars he earned he would spend on them.
So I was planning to be to the Ocean by now actually. Perhaps end what ever this is. But the spiral reminds me I am coming back around. The last 72 miles of purposeful travel for little buddy was alone with Mash on the flat bed with all our stuff. That is a pretty good ending after 25 years surrounded by mountains.
Riding 72 miles me and the tow truck driver talked. He had broken many bones. Acquired family, land and cars. We talked about people who had cancer. He mentioned how his friend had survived and that she turned to God. I told him God is like that ex girlfriend stalker, never gonna give up on you. He laughed in agreement.
It comes it goes, but it is gonna take me a bit longer to reach the ocean in any case. Maybe I will rent. Maybe I will buy. Maybe I will stay. I have no idea., but traveling the country I see so much division. That division is not where you would think. How isn't it about class? You pay more money you get better treatment. People are dying less from opioids, but they are not using less. There are scary poor people all across this country. This is where the rubber hits the road. I don't like the rich. I don't like the poor. We should be something different.
I remember meeting the angel of death in Sarajevo. We were meeting for a first meal as the primary cast of Welcome to Sarajevo. I was cast outside Split Airport as a featured extra. Woody Harrelson's camera man. We met together the first time at the Hotel Bosna in Sarajevo with all the scars still visible. Woody was there drunk on Heineken. Marisa Tome and some famous English actors. The striking thing about Marisa's character was that she wore white shoes. Her character was an aid worker, aid workers never had white shoes.
Christiana Amanpour had come to meet Woody, but she stayed for the debate. At the end of the meal the consensus was that the meal was not good enough. The debate was about sending things back or what to do. I pointed out Sarajevo was closed 3 months ago. The siege ended in February 1996, this was June 1996. I was scheduled 11 days but could stand 3 - had to see about a friend. I've always had odd priorities.
The spiral is about mixing the xxxxx is about healing. The solar system spirals through the galaxy. The spiral doesn’t care if we’re rich or poor, connected or lost. At Newspaper Rock, someone carved a braided X—a code for mending hearts. We keep trying to fix the world with new tools, but the canyon still bleeds Vishnu’s bones. Maybe healing isn’t about moving forward. Maybe it’s about coming back around.
I check the map—still so much blank space between here and the ocean. The Accord’s gone, but the road isn’t. Little buddy got me far, deeper than the surface. When you call Triple-A they ask you first if you are in a safe place. I don't think we are.
6/25/2025 Lyft
This day started out very well. You would think being a member of a savings and loan for a long time would have benefits. I am sure there are few people they would help in my position. The truth there are few people who would put themselves in my position They didn't love my credit in the end after the bank saved my life. Since covid I have not been interested. I have lived a cash based existence.
In the height of the housing crisis when people where getting signature loans for 300,000. I signed a fifteen year mortgage. My wife at the time was from another country and 30 years she was not interested in. Maybe that was a clue. I am very bad with signals. We made a full mortgage payment twice a month to end up under water. I don't think I would have done anything different. I knew then how different things could be.
She dreamed of a VW Beatle which that second mortgage payment would have easily covered. She never got her Beatle and never really understood why. I did. I am as American as you can be. Also as European as you can be. I am mostly Celt and Neanderthal. The native people of Europe. Now we were not only in Ireland. Do you know where Galatia was? Asia Minor. From one end of Europe to the others was ours. We are the barbarians, but only outside the walls. In truth we fought in every army.
I have only self inflicted wound. People tell me my outlook is positive. Well I do not have anyone to blame. What is more important is that I have people in my life that I can count on. At school I always say that numbers you can always count on people here and there. Too many people have no one. That is what is broken here. Things fall apart but they also break. One thing you can say about any work of man: it will need fixing.
Back around the mountain ten degrees hotter. Up and down the golden valley four times. With James I mostly talked about what Adam had told me. I asked if he knew the old man which Ai told me he was 91. James told me he passed and his grandson now runs everything. The guy would put gambling and shrimp cocktails together. That must have been one amazing funeral. He smiled widely.
I told him some of the highlights of my trip. I told him I had never been to the Grand Canyon. I said I didn't think it would grab hold of me like that. He seemed to understand. I assumed since he lived close he had been numerous times. I told him I didn't realize the scale of people going there. I described my quite early Monday morning alone with the canyon. I didn't have to explain to him what that meant. He smiled widely. We spoke of the News of Newspaper rock.
Turns out I am not only a spy, but a bit of a ghost. That is from something I wrote on the euro rail years ago. You are either home or you are a spy. I am it turns out also a credit ghost. Again without a rental car Dave took me back up the golden valley and around the mountain. This time I remember to ask him to help me get some things from the car. The mechanic is a big help with storage for now. The mechanic—manager, really—wasn’t what I expected. No grease-stained coveralls. Just a guy in a polo shirt with a laminated name tag, clipboard in hand, standing in a garage so clean. He nodded at my dead Accord like a doctor pronouncing time of death.
This was a different driver. He was the backup guy. Long time truck driver. He just told me he had done many bad things for 61 years. He was 71. I asked what turned him around and he said his third wife he didn't want to hurt like he had others. Some had forgiven him and some had not. I asked him if he was working the steps to which he said no, but I told him if your seeking to get right with people he was working them.
I told him my story and showed him Mash when we got back to the room. He said he would keeep an eye out for something. I told him make amends for all those bad things to which he smiled as we shake hands. We talked about the broken in the world and that what broke him was meth and not having anyone to count on. We talked about the excess and excuses all around. He texted me a lead later for a truck a bit out of my price range. Someone needs dental money fast. In this world I believe him and it sucks.
My kids rescue lots of strays so they up for one more. Most likely I will go with them to Olympia Thursday or Friday. The Ocean still waiting. California waiting bit longer too. We see maybe little buddy saved me from a life in California. When I tell people I am headed there they give me odd looks. But LA calls to me in just my way. I have no explanation beyond people are leaving seems a good time to join. The people moving into California are from around the world. Struggle and diversity to the end.
So I was going to have to join the modern world. My daughter said Lyft was cheaper so that was my research. I had to return to the car because I forgot to get the VIN number. I need to get it scrapped. So I lyfted over and put a return trip in the wrong order. I said ok and put another trip in. It is a brave new world for me.
He mentioned that the fall of Saigon was in the late 70s. I asked what his rate was to the airport I had been twice. It was more than twice what I had paid. Never took two better trips with lest purpose in the end. The Lyft just reminds me that people show you who they are. You don't go back into the wilderness when you enter the brave new world.
I am a crunchY X, all this reminds me of the most Gen X comic ever Janeane Garofalo. She talked about threatening to take her $26 out of the bank. But I did not think that my savings and loan would help me. They did because I have been a long term client. Rollercoaster of a day that started very high. They did their part so as I told James, "Nothing hard work can't fix."
From all the physical evidence one thing is clear about the SouthWest: when it rains it pours. My son in law sent me my first door dash. A Mexican feast while I sit an contemplate my next moves down the road. Have eaten some deliveries nut never had my own app delivered. So People just show up at the door with food if there is anyone besides me that hasn't experienced.
The other thing that is obvious is that no one is from here. Very similar to when I lived in Florida. I ask Dave where he was from and he said why because of the accent. I said no because nobody is from here. Tow truck driver was from California, but told me not to tell anyone. I told him I was heading to California. Little buddy had other ideas. It was a good death.
6/26/2025 The Cavalry
Dave found me a truck for $5000. Wasn't sure how much to get tags as out of state driver. Told him was a bit out of my price range and he said he would keep looking. There is a train station in town and cats allowed on Amtrak, but I am having trouble finding my cat carrier and I would be looking at leaving most of my stuff. My kids planning to leave today to come pick us up. Most of us.
We drove together in December from Seattle to Cleveland. About a 36 hour drive we did it in less than 40. We had good weather and didn't have to stop. They are 18 hours away across the entire state of Nevada into Portland. 18 + 18 = 36.
Portland certainly a possibility for me. I expected to be coming up from California not Portland. I gathered some of my food to save myself the expense of continuing to shop here in Kingman. One thing I will say I did a very goos job as a vegan on my travel food. Another two months would have been no problem. Somethings were better organized than others.
Reminds me of my friend Robert. He had worked out of country for 25 years. He was from Oklahoma actually. Thought about him driving across his greener than I thought state. He was an agricultural specialist, but he also taught Bosnians how to float down the river. He fell in love with his wife in a middle of a war. Robert always good times.
He came back to Washington on time and was making high six figures. He was unable to buy a car. Everybody thought him a ghost. In our system it isn't only good credit and bad credit. Not having none is as bad as having lots of bad. A mindful cash existence is not incentivized in this system. His boss in the end had to co-sign for the car.
So I am going to be taking a large withdrawal from the credit I have built up with my kids. This is why I built it up. I will need to do some hard work to get back in the black. But I dd after all create the bank. Maybe Calvary is the wrong word. Buffalo Soldiers are coming. Words evolve do we? Lot of plastic in our brains. Time not on our side, but here I am waiting.
Adam checked in on me from his grandkids in St. Louis. He had asked me about the petrified Forest. Said he had passed it many time. I gave him the lay out and told him the news of newspaper rock. Spirals of waters they call rapids. In the dry southwest we call it life.
As I sit more of those conversations come back to me. Dave talked about how it used to be fun to be a truck driver. He thought of it as getting paid to go on vacation. The only thing he regretted he couldn't get his big rig to go down the little roads he wanted to go down. He mentioned the new trucks were all automatic which I was surprised by. He said he used to run two logs cause everything was on paper. There were legends that some ran ten logs but he didn't believe them. He had luck never being pulled for a random drug test either. He said about 20% of a company they would randomly pick and he just never got picked.
There was something he said that answered a question I had along the road. He said new drivers where taught never to flash light. They said if something bad happened like an accident then those flashing lights were like a suggestion and brought liability. I wondered why the truckers don't flash lights anymore. As a kid I remember them flashing their lights to tell their fellow trucker it was safe to get over. Other subtle signals not everyone know like blinkers to advise on passing conditions. I drove close to 400 miles a day one year in the balkans shuttling short-term volunteers around. I learn a few signs. Survived more than I could agin.
Mash is keeping his business up. In small spaces he has little work. He does seem a bit confused with our pause. Had he finally started to enjoy the flow? He seemed to like arriving the best. The car never was an issue but also new to him he seems to miss. He watches me even closer in this room or so it seems. He likes to have a smell of everything I eat, but I am a vegan and he only really enjoys the cheese I sneak. Only thing missing is a good hiding place. His only one I have found.
Make a run for the stronghold. I understand. What is stronger sewn than xxxxx? More is lost of the past then we know. In this way it is much like the future. I thought this story was about Cleveland to California. Almost was. It is about my favorite thing: making a run for the stronghold and my favorite people. In the the back window the big pictures of my kids. A simple plaque that reads my favorite people call me Dad. This Cleveland to Ocean so a swirl to be expected. California not going anywhere.
James was from Chicago. Originally a white sox fan he now said he cheered for both. He was the boss. While we rode he got other calls. First the robo calls, now this is mostly a cash business. You don't answer the phone you don't get paid. I could see the frustration on his face at another spam call. Certain situations form strange intersection in our modern economy. The spam calls costing so little any reward over valued.
It reminded me of my Great-grand father So I told James the story. He was an engineer on the Cleveland to Erie line. If you know your history then you know how important the railroads were in everything. They are the reason you have health care and retirement plans from your employer. They made the modern world. Think of the porters pulling through Tulsa. But when they were building it wasn't so modern. the rights we have were still to come. Dave grumbled to me that his wife works at Enterprise cause they pay teachers so little out here, I asked where is that not true.
But my great-grand Dad had to be near the phone. Only on short notice they would call him his entire career. He was written up in the local paper when he retired. The interview was done in the yard while he was leisurely, with a very large smile, doing yard work. The photograph was included. They asked what was best about retirement and he had a quick answer: I can leave the phone behind. So James called the driver who needed the work three times. Then he called the person he knew would answer. A fourth call she answered too late and he apologized. She went to get cigarettes she said and left the phone behind.
We talked about how hard it was to find people who you could count on. This is everywhere. One theme of this trip for me has been how many job advertisements I have seen. Everywhere and in every place they are looking for people. I for now am just trying to get near an ocean and be counted upon.
The rune X is about intersection. Has always been my favorite. I can read you the translation all my people knew so long ago: we give the gift to us, beautiful thereby. The exiles miss this. (The Rune Poem, Paul). Here in the modern world we are all exiles, strange intersections make beautiful swirls.
6/27/2025 5th Day @ Motel 6
Monday morning I left the Grand Canyon. I would recommend and early Monday morning to sneak up on the sleeping beast. It is how I currently know what day it is now. The flow of the road shifts on the weekends. Everywhere is busy the most then. The Mohican State Park has so many sites. Yet you need to make a reservation on the weekend. There are so many better places to camp where you do not need a reservation. Down along the river it is not that crowded.
I renewed my room for the last time. Regular life goes on. The desk lady said she would not be here tomorrow. Oh, you have the weekend off I noted. She told me I should take advantage being in a hotel and lavished me with towels. More towels than need roll through that laundry room. Quite an operation with most things in motion.
I have some business left in Kingman. I need to get a title for my car to salvage, but that is not the business I am focussed. That is going to take some time an involve other states. I need to see about my spook ring. I have been wearing the last year a spoon ring of my Granny. She got the spoon turns out from the family of my Dad's best friends family.
Dave had lost a son. I told him i lost my Dad when he was 61. I told him the way I processed this was simply that I walk upon a different planet. He was part of the reason I came this way. Morgan men have a habit of disappearing to the sun. As he was failing out of college he took six months and his parents gas card to California, He lived at the DKE house and talked about racing his MGA through the canyons.
I told the tow truck driver how he had rebuilt that engine to return to Cleveland and they and they had a msaon jar full of parts. Took six months back then for the bills to arrive to Cleveland. So he was soon back in town working at the bank. He met my mother while depositing her paycheck. Love at first sight in many ways. They were married in two months.
So that ring I think is somewhere in the car. Sunday night we slept last and first time in the car. I pulled real hard to get a blanket and think my ring got pulled off. It is either here in the car or perhaps in a shower stall in Texas. Either way I will know if I find it soon. If I do or if I don't I will walk on each planet. More things are lost than found. In every loss there was something to lose.
Kids planning to leave by 4 pm today to be here before noon tomorrow. "The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have..." (Hamlet Act 3 Scene 1).
My uncle Bill left for the Beach of Corpus Christi. There was a time we didn't much talk about him. A certain time no one knew where he was. I know he drove a Triumph convertible south and was almost killed by a truck. The size of his car being the difference. He built himself up into a pillar of the community in twenty years which seemed like forever. We visited once for Christmas. My cousin taught me what a snow bird was. He died younger than me now of throat cancer. Before she died my granny's last advice was have more than two kids. She lived without both of her sons quite some time.
What I remember was he lived in a high rise before he left in Cleveland. One of my earliest memories is going up and down his elevator with a shopping cart. He lived above an Uncle Bill's store. I had just assumed it was his. He was gone before I had a chance to ask. We were all there for my Granny's 50th wedding anniversary. You would know why I phrased it that way if you knew her.
It is easy to be positive. It is hard to know what best to do. The future is this thing we do not know which we think undiscovered, but just as much of the past is not clear. When we remember we change. Much of my writing is about remembering time and place, but also deception. That word perhaps does too much. We delude ourselves without end. We don't look close at many things. If you ever wonder if you are dreaming look close at something. There is always a dark side. Initially I felt revulsion until I realized I found it in everything I looked.
The best example I can give is called monetization. An all time buzz word that came along in Bosnia in '96. The emergency was over. The development phase was going to start. In the emergency there were only a limited number of organizations that would respond to the call for proposal. In development there was plenty of competition. IMG from Cleveland was a big player. the sports agents. They were somehow in the business of building sewers in Bosnia. People with suits were showing up. They were looking for ways to generate income for the third sector.
They brought agricultural products our government bought at subsidy prices and released them into the market. This was the monetization. These commodities weren't doing anything so they turned them into money. Like magic they had funds for social programs, but it wasn't magic. It was money taken out of every farmer's pocket in Bosnia like an invisible tax because we knew better. I did good work, but we stole money to do that work.
My kids are on the road. We are easy to find. They have been tracking Mash since Cleveland. Another present the apple tag. When we saw each other for father's day we had to use the chime function as we left the cabin. Looking back it was Mash's biggest smile I remember. It is funny that today is their mother's birthday. Missed them for the first time in 25 years on my birthday. My son in-law was with me so the streak continues. Common law not so common.
I was gonna seek refugee status in California from the Ohio education system. Portland or Washington just as good start, but let me explain SB 1 they call it in Ohio. If you took a billion dollars and offered it to an Ohio school for a diversity or equity project by law they would have to say no. If I had a billion dollars right now I would offer them. They also think climate change should be debated in higher education in Ohio. There is no State higher education anymore. The science is very simple and again the climate does not care.
Four hundred miles from Los Angeles Imagine that story. Perhaps a jailhouse letter.
6/28/2025 Till the Morning Comes
When my kids were born I looked real close at my kids. Looked twice and yes I ended up waiting in the coolest part of Arizona. I told the weekend front desk lady, who was back, that I would need a late check out. I was headed to the PNW. I was going to go out and enjoy the heat. She said she was from Oregon and agreed. She asked where I was headed.
The heat is also a beast. It grabs hold of you. You are best to submit. 18 days in Mexico we never talked about the weather. In Cleveland all we ever do is talk about the weather. I shouldn't see this heat anytime soon, but there are also heat bubbles up in the PNW. I kind of look forward to it. I mean it is coming. Climate don't care and I am done talking about the weather.
And then they were there. It feels like we were always together. I paid an extra day at the hotel. We were going to have a real early check out, before most could check in. i went and got my stuff in the car and left them along with 5 kittens to take showers. They had to come they needed medicine every twelve hours. It is the way we do math. I got as much stuff as I was able and know most of what I left behind. The heat was really getting to me but there was water in the car. Still packed for the road. I didn't drink enough but if I hadn't at all I would not have been able to get it done.
I would wrestle with the futon mattress one more time. My friend Vlada from Serbia got a good deal from Ivan the Ukrainian in Cleveland. I put it in once , but the remembered my business. The last time we slept in the car at the Grand Canyon. I had to pull very hard to get the blanket as it was well tucked in. Each time we stopped we packed better. That is the magical tetriss of the road. Losing the right things never a bad thing. But I looked slowly for my Granny's ring. This was not going to be the end of the world what ever happens. I wouldn't complain. Then I looked and there it was. I didn't think it was in texas.
They had arrived 18 hours. We arrived 18 hours later. I was ready to drive maybe 11 I drove.
Let me tell you there are very few people who drive from Kingman, Az to Lacey, Wa. I know I never will again. We drove only small sections on interstate. Time we were along for long stretches. The Cactus gave way to evergreen. We were pretty close to the Ocean there is Portland. I am from a rest-stop world trying to fit inot the travel center. I will never need most of the things there. I like to see what each state believes a restroom should be. In Kentucky I can tell you it involves a great deal of concreet. Texas almost indifferent.
The sun comes up at 4 am or rather there is light for driving. Such desolate roads we map out each fuel stop. Elevation and winds change our calculations. We keep going. I took the first shift and the last shift. I drove almost all the way across Nevada. 21 miles from Area 51. In the PNW with three lanes mostly between Portland and Olympia do they love to camp in the left lane. Was not a few people. A few times a right lane opened and everyone stayed in the left two lanes. Don't mind me. I was passing now driving my daughter's car. We were in a hurry. At times the temp outside 102 the air condition at times seemed to forget to work. Then when you were about to worry it would rush back with the cool.
A gas station evert 300 miles will teach you about supply and demand. Was interesting passing all the places me and Mash had learned to identify to stay. We arrived and I started getting my stuff organized. I sat for a moment and this fluid was coming out of my nose. I assumed an odd nasal drip and thought how odd. It took me a few seconds to see the red. I don't know that I have every had a bloody nose. As advertised I put pressure on it and it stopped. I was surprised to rinse my mouth out. I felt fine but as involuntary experiences go it will be remembered and certainly marked the end of this road. I was going 80 miles an hour through the camp ground. Again something bad happened at a good time.
I asked siri for a few suggestions to the cause. Dehydration, probably. That heat packing my stuff. I also did not stop as much as I had been. I thought back to how many times I had to stop to go to the bathroom when the tank wasn't empty. Dehydration is something. Only 200 or so miles away the beast still has teeth.
So Sunday in the PNW. No idea what I am going to do. I have a teaching license back in Ohio and I do love working with kids. But without a car it was going to be hard anywhere. Certainly could be done. Flexibility is not a problem at this point. Nothing hard work won't fix. Which work is the question. Well I have a house to see down by the Ocean so we will see what the week brings. And which Fluids flow.
Mash found a high shelf away from all the kittens. I think he misses being what my daughter called explorer mash. He seems bit less content with domestic life. Never saw him hiss so much. He came out from under the bed and there was a mirror in front of him and he even hissed at himself. I was amazed watching.. Up on top of the cupboards nothing can get him.
6/29/2025 Afternoon
I looked at the map at the Love's Service stations and there were no roads where we were going. I assured myself it was only an issue of resolution. My son said he noticed this as well. Why was there a Love's Travel center there? In the Shawnee National Forest I also reassured myself that every road led somewhere, well that road was not heading to the Wallmart it turned to dirt. It was a pretty bad rain storm. One of those modern ones. Intensity on display. Had little buddy left us there we would be still there among the ancestors.
The change of climates are much easier accomplished moving just small distances in the Canyon, I drove 18 hours and all the way roads. More than a few pieces of heavy equipment parked in the desert. The cactus grow tall. A tree. Kids back to work. In two days I will help them take the kittens to the veterinarian unless I am working.
6/30/2025
Mr Clip board has a boss. We often hear what we want to when certain words are left out. We can see clear signals and walk right past them. You can't just walk by newspaper rock. I imagine the big lizard with his funny legs was first. Click-bait. Made me smile. When you see them around you will smile again. The animal form was the first rune. The foundation. In this world value can be lost quickly. I've got some work to do next couple days in Lacy. Ocean 1 hour away. Surf 1 and a 1/2.
Picked my daughter up at work. I will say this. When someone goes to a lawyer it is seldom for a good reason. Something is not in line in someone's life. I knew them when they were just learning to do everything 26 years ago. I can imagine 26 years from now. Very few could get that job. Less could do it with grace.
7/1/2025 Salvage
It is about want to. Motivation. Spoke to a salvage yard today about my car. At this point I am 18 hours down the road. No idea what is going to happen, but I could guess based on what I know about this country. There are going to be penalties for being poor. This is how we set up our system from go. I think of it as mining the poor. The only growth industry I see. It is not a small percentage of the wealthy who's only function is to collect rents.
Employment agencies have a tough time in Washington State. Three of the four local offices were empty of furniture. I have had very good luck with agencies and very bad luck. I can tell you why they don't work well here: rational public policy. If they flourish in your state you deserve better. We can walk past clear sign and see it.
7/2/2025
My daughter came home today ready to leave they're job. What is the most positive aspect of family law? Adoption maybe, pretty bleak docket. When I generate income four times my income for my organization it usually went into brick and mortar not a guy on the golf course. Life is tough and to paraphrase Peter Gabriel: So many people no one needs.
I had an interesting interview for an online tutoring job. After 15 years of in classroom experience I feel comfortable in any situation. My whole life has been about education. Nothing I like more than to learn with my students. I make sure to point out the things I learn each day.
My son took out a government car for his work today with the soil conservation district. Nothing like driving other people's cars. My friend Paul called it driving other people's car too fast through populated areas: Aid work. The first thing I noticed about war was all the people walking around. To and from the frontline in Bugojno or the market place NATO hit in Nis.
The story never ends cause the road never ends. Out there breathing and sweating. In the heat and polar bubbles. Where ever you go you are faced with the same number of problems they are just different. The last 15 years worked for me because I had something important to do. I worked summers. When you have children they don't have you.
It is weird focusing on what I want. Searching for my set of problems. We are not going anywhere.
7/3/2025
I had this idea that the ancients also had 12 problems. I think they had the same 12 problems at one time. When we started to diverge with our problems I suspect history began. Jesus had 12 problems. One of them was betrayal. Are there solutions without problems? You can't design what i already built?
Heading to the Ocean in the morning. Upon the shore the waves arrive 12 at a time. A family. Every twelve unique. There are enough for everyone. Newspaper Rock is about 12 things. They all passed knowing them. In the modern world we create most of our problems. We like to think of part of the world as external. Climate doesn't care and the science is simple. Culture is not a luxury it is survival.
How we are going we may end up with the same 12 problems because we make them so large. The Biosphere is not a large place. Wolves all have the same problems. Armadillos understand each other's decisions. There might only be 12 problems. It only becomes an equation when you put the equals sign. People who hate new math never understood old math.
MONDAY, JUNE 15, 2009 Jahorina
There are these other universes I am sure
Where my bones shattered and ground to dust
I rode her wave past myself down
I am a water skier
Down the middle the waves are fine
I can see there's not much else you need
There is an area of return they all ride on their edge
There is nothing that they create but danger
They're their own problem
Then you can't see and you are your problem
No one is going to save you
They can't see either
This one time I could see the way down
I found myself already cross there ice tracks
Over to the left descending and arriving as seen from the top
There are other universes I am sure
Where my bones shattered and were ground to dust
In this universe I found the way down
Allons it is safe for your bones arrive the dust heap in any case
I just hope to make it a few time more down Jahorina
7/4/2025
Drove to the surf. It was a nice day but the water at Ocean Shores was in the 50s. When we arrived you could tell it was a holiday. So many people on the beach. So few in the water. There were many kites flying, but many people had come to blow things up. There were posted signs that no fireworks were allowed till 2pm, but there were plenty going off.
We parked in a great diversity of people. It was nice to see. Finally I was walking out to the Ocean. I touched the water to my lips to taste the salt. Almost didn't believe this journey was over. The Ocean smiled. The Ocean is like war. There is nothing separating us. We like to take epic road trips, but the Ocean and war are always there.
Today I also met some people who have driven that lonely road to Kingman Arizona. She was from here but they met in North Carolina. He was from New Mexico. That lonely road his best way home. They have a daughter that they are both equally comfortable. Something you don't often see. I was pretty sure I would never meet anyone who went down that road. Here I had met three. They knew about the love travel center with no roads from where they came. I was a bit in disbelief, but I could see the road in their eyes.
Progressive policies attracted me to the coast. It is funny to see what a target gas prices are. People say they are paying more than California. They talk about when it will be Pacifica. High gas prices are rational. People are not. We feel entitled to cheap gas for some reason. Most of the way I paid around $3 usually less. In Pacifica above $4. On the east side of the south rim of the grand canyon is almost $5.
The first horizon as large as the Grand Canton. The Ocean containing glaciers. It is salt water cause it takes along road the path of least resistance gathering the dust. Everything accumulates the salt most noticeable. It takes millions of years but the ocean has the time. Your pretty salty as thing go.
I loved to tell my students of the glaciers that used to cover Ohio. I do feel rather in place in a place home to glaciers. The south west so strange to me. More of flash floods than anything. They have bridges over dry rivers they call washes. It is a matter of timescales. Looking into the canyon you can see quite well what a mile is. How the glaciers towered over Cleveland just to find their way to the Ocean with me.
In the universe space and time appear to need observed. There is this theory that it is the black holes that fulfill this purpose. On this false quantum vacuum of my life it is the Ocean that serves this outsider role. If a tree falls in the forest the Ocean hears. An End and a beginning. We come from a foreign land.
My surf instructor told me that surfing is 90% paddling. I smiled and told him that skiing is 90% skiing. To me water is water. The wind at 25 mph has a certain feel no matter how you get to that speed. Coming down that wave is something familiar. Surfing is about becoming stronger to go deeper. Skiing is about the pure joy and speed of gravity. One lifetime is not enough for this world.
As I took steps into the water alone. My legs grew used to it. This story was looking for one thing: an end.
